15 years ago I was 20 years old, I was just out of my teens and not prepared at all for how much my life was going to change in the following days. No amount of books or advice can prepare you for birth, I’d been living away from home for a year and I was deluded about the fairy tale life I had created in my head. When two parents to be are not ready to be parents it adds a strain on a relationship, when the relationship is fairly new and you don’t know much about each other it makes it difficult and when one of you has moved away from their family and friends to make it work it can cause resentment.
I didn’t have a great birthing experience, I was treated like a child and my midwife didn’t listen to my wishes about my birth or the fact I was in a lot of pain and needed something for it. After over an hour of me asking for pain relief only to be told I had a long way to go yet Lucie was born at 1.10pm on the 31st August.
I had and still have a very close relationship with my mum and after giving birth to Lucie all I wanted was to be with my mum and to have her help and support me so I spent most days either going over to stay with her during the day or she would come and stay with me and help out. When Lucie was around 4 months old I moved closer to my mum and when my relationship finally ended I moved back in with my parents.
Lucie was and still is a very inquisitive child, she didn’t want to be a baby and did everything a lot quicker than her peers like sleeping through, walking, weaning from milk, potty training. I felt like my baby had gone in a blink of an eye, it was a very different experience to the one I have had with Arthur.
During the first few years of moving back home I spent most of my nights partying with my work colleagues, it was something I’d not done before and I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t spend as much time with Lucie as I should have done, I wasn’t the best parent during that time but I think I’ve made up for it since. I lived with my parents until 2007, having them around made it easier for me to study and work as I had childcare on hand 24 hours a day if required but it also made me lazy so when I moved out again with a 7 year old I fell down to earth with a bang. It’s hard enough living on your own with a small baby but when that baby is now 7 and creates a whirlwind of mess behind her everywhere you look it’s hard work.
Lucie has always been an absolute joy to have around, she has always amazed me with her intelligence and eagerness to learn and has always seemed older than her years. Lucie loves trying new things out and over the years has received various trophy’s and certificates in Cheerleading, Dance, Judo, foreign languages, horse riding and drama. Lucie’s hobbies have changed like the wind and I’ve lost count of the groups and clubs she has joined over the years, I’ve never wanted to hold her back though and have been happy to let her try out as many new things as she likes providing I haven’t had to buy a uniform to find that during the second week she no longer wanted to attend.
Now that Lucie is older I miss our little secret trips out for dinner while David is at work or our cinema trips after shopping, we used to spend weeks of the summer holidays doing activities or going to a new town for the day, I always knew the day would come when she didn’t want to do things with me anymore but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Lucie has a lovely group of friends and I realise they are more exciting to be around than your embarrassing mum! Parenting a teenager is hard. So hard. I’m sure I wasn’t as argumentative and moody when I was a teenager, my mum says that Lucie and I have very similar personalities which causes us to clash. We clash a lot.
Lucie has always made me incredibly proud and I’m sure people get sick of me going on and on about how amazing she is. She really is amazing. Lucie decided that she didn’t want to take pocket money off us for doing nothing so took it upon herself to find a Saturday job where she felt like she had earned her money. For the past 4 months Lucie has been working in a hair salon, she has had days where she has hated it and we have told her to quit and said we would give her the same if not more money than she earns but Lucie is not a quitter and knows that in the real world you can’t just walk away from employment when things get tough. Did I mention how awesome she is?
I find it hard to believe that in just 3 short years we will be preparing to send Lucie off to university, she has wanted to be a dentist for a long time now and I know that with the determination that she demonstrates on a daily basis Lucie will realise her goal and be incredible in her chosen career. If Lucie decides that after completing 6th form university is not for her that’s ok too, I will support her with whichever choice she makes.
I love my daughter more than she will ever know, I’m immensely proud of the person she has become and the person she will grow up to be. 15 years ago I never imagined that you could have so much love for one person and I didn’t realise that when a new child comes along your love doesn’t change in fact it grows stronger.
Lucie you are stubborn, argumentative, lazy, narcissistic and messy but you are a fabulous daughter and a wonderful big sister to Arthur. Never change.